A Kid Named Sophie

So, Sophie, or Sophia her given name and what she prefers to be called, was always ahead of the game. She was always meeting and often exceeded the defined development milestones since an infant. At her well checkup for age 3 - I noticed that she could be doing better with her coloring. At age 4 - the milestone was that she could make stick people - which she is far from doing. She is still mastering making circles, x's, and the occasional letter (so far q and h).

After a brief conversation with her pediatrician, he recommended that I contact the school district for an OT eval. He said it was likely that she wouldn't require services per se, but they make provide materials to help work with Sophie. Sounds good.


Yup, sounds good. Too bad it wasn't the full feel of what was/is about to transcend.
4 separate evaluations - one by a psychologist, a speech therapist, a special ed teacher, and yes an OT. I needed more appointments like I need another orifice; Zach, with his two appointments a week, and the speech therapist pushing for a third with an OT, the dog to the vets/groomers, mom and the cancer associated appts (drs visits, tests, xrays, ct scans, pet scans, surgeries, various treatments, getting medications and devices, getting hte house settled for her, taking care of her financial tasks and maintenance issues around the house, trying to keep her out of depression - socialization, getting her books, etc.) , trying to get our house settled (trying to furnished and decorated - has anyone tried to get a painter in Syracuse recently??? and looking into renovations), while trying to hold down a job which has just turned topsy turvy - new position, new division, new building, lost my office and now in a cubicle (blek), NO babysitter and no availability at local day care, and just other life appointments. So when I recently broke a toe and didn't go to the doctor - I was told by many - you should go to the doctor - ha ha ha ha ha. For myself? Well, a scratch to the cornea did eventually lead me to take the time for an hour long visit with a doctor. Alas, this could impede on me providing services to others - so I had to have it taken care of.

OK - back to Sophia. I have been told we have to meet with some sort of committee at the school district to get the results of all these evaluations. Yes a committee - some sort of panel of all the evaluators, and educator, a parent of a special needs kid, and I have no idea who else. I find this all overkill. I understand why these things might exist, and even their utility for certain circumstances. But I am so tired of process/procedures circumventing logical, thoughtful individual approaches to problems. It is showing up in life more and more - and leading us to be nothing more than mediocre at best. I have this same frustration at work very frequently, and in life in different ways - anybody try to do their taxes and read the accompanying documentation? YIKES. And I have a masters degree - how does the average Joe handle all this?

She superseded some of the evaluators tests - but showed frustration in other areas. Note: frustration, not inability. The OT commented on her not being able to use scissors well. The girl has only had scissors for about 2 months now - she is such a spaz that I was afraid to give her sharp objects intended to cut, especially when I have an almost 2 year old that I need to keep an eye on and make sure she doesn't give him a hair cut. (This being of particular importance since Zach's hairline could be better.)

Did I fight the system. No. I instead am trying to tolerate it by going through the motions, as much as it interferes with life, and hope that all is well in the end. I need this positive outlook right now. Lately, it is very hard to find inspiration and hope with so many things going on.

Therapists, therapists, therapy all the way

So that previous line should be sung to the melody of "Jingle Bells" to get the real effect.

We had Zach referred to early intervention for speech delay. This required a full evaluation that looked at not only communication, but physical, cognitive, social-emotional, and adaptive issues. According to them , the speech delay was the only issue they were concerned with. So here we are 2 months later, with speech therapy 2x a week. He dislikes his speech therapist. If I am around when she has her visits, he cries, and begs me to take him out of the room. He has made no language progress at all. Zach prefers the company of men, with one major exception, and that is me. I can tell you at times it drives me bonkers, but I also must confess that it snags at a heart string or two for some reason. I love my kids more than I ever thought I could love anything, and when I see this sort of attachment, it does feel like some kind of reciprocation. Hopefully, none of this is unhealthy. I digress. So, there are no male speech therapists. This in turn has prompted my speech pathologist to say we need OT. Is she right? Well, perhaps, but I don't think so. It just leaves me wondering how he would deal with yet another stranger in the mix. Hmmm. Child prefers men and has stranger anxiety - I know let's bring a strange woman around to teach hi hot to adjust.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut, and just let the kid naturally progress. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay home and....
Can't think that way. At least not now. Too many bills to pay.

Then there is Sophie - this will require a part deux to get through that story.

Finding Mary Poppins

So, when searching for day care options make sure you take a belt of scotch on your way our the door to interviews. After previewing candidates, and narrowing it to three, I decided a visit to our final 3 contestants was in order. So, who did I choose. No one. I extended my MIL's stay for another month to figure out just what the heck I am going to do.

The gotcha's?
Candidate #1 - I swear there was pot smoke or something going on in that house. The fact that her 4 year old daughter came out at one point with incense sticks made me wary. Then a review of craiglist where I originally came into contact with her had accusations of my suspicion - pot smoke. There was a reference to check out her myspace page, which I didn't. Enough drama for me. BTW- I don't really care if someone smokes pot - but all I could think about was some major partier watching my kids after a long night, and Zach falling down the stairs and her barely noticing.

Candidate #2 - House was a little nuts upon our visit. (A house with 5 kids - somewhat expected.) She was looking to take on more than my 2 kids and she had 5 of her own to boot. Yikes. Open backyard that went into the old Camillus Cutlery. Hmmm. Dad has guns in the house. uh oh. I am not against guns - but could just envision one of her older sons getting curious, Zach being Mr. Zippy getting out of sight for bit, and then wammo. No no no.

Candidate #3 - I felt this woman could be a great friend. Loved talking to her. However, her kids seemed so calm - could she handle my little spazzes? The fact that they were doing construction on their house- and my two ultra-curious George's. uuh oh. Very nice dog who looked like it might have had some pit bull now having to deal with my two spazzy kids. Hmmmm.

The pot smoker, the guns, or the pit bull. We miss Nono and Nana so much!

All of these candidates seemed nice. I don't think any of them would have been abusive. However, my comfort level was just not there. Could it be with anyone? I have basically only left my kids with family. Will I be able to get over my trust issues and get an outsider involved with my family? Wish Zach was talking more.
That would help.

I wonder if someone with sexual assault experiences can ever trust anyone. Will this impact my kids? I want them to have wings, and I feel as though I might be their anchor. I cannot let this happen.

There is good in this world, good people that is. I have to pray that God can send one of them my way.