What I want to know is, how do/did you handle it when you tell someone your child is nontypical/neurodiverse/autistic/developmentally challenged/special needs and they respond with something to the effect:
"He's fine. He's too young. I know someone, my [niece/brother/uncle/son/friend/ friend's niece/friend's brother/friend's uncle/friend's son/friend's friend] and they were a late talker and now they are an [astronaut/astrophysicist/aerospace engineer/ Avon lady] ."
When I go on to explain stimming and sensory issues, non-receptive language, possible behavioral issues being more of a concern than his being non-verbal - I feel like I get blank stares. I sometimes want to go into the clinical diagnosis criteria of th DSM-IV and sometimes I want to say p*ss off. I think what I should actually do is somewhere in between, but I haven't nailed it yet. Suggestions?
And yes, I know that one option might be to just smile and walk away too...
3 comments:
I'd probably smile and say something that *sounds* nice but is (in my mind anyway!) condescending. Like, "Well, you know, that's sooo great for them. I've discovered that there are so many manifestations of (name of condition/s) that it's impossible to know who will do what. I always think it's best to err on the side of early intervention." Or something like that.
Or you could always just thank them for their compassionate understanding and THEN walk away! ;-)
I gave up trying to explain anything to people that make comments like that a long time ago.
If I get a response like that, I catalog in my brain that they are trying to provide hope to me in the only way that they know how, that they don't understand what I'm going through and that no amount of explanation would make them "get it" or the angst that our family goes through. So, I just respond that God is in control and that I'm going to make sure that Conor is the best Conor that he can be. It ends the conversation, makes them feel good and shuts them up.
Wow, my son is 11 and I've only had one person, someone I don't know on facebook, try to give me advice in a looong time. She found me through someone else's profile that I had commented on and sent me an e-mail through facebook. It was a link to some drink that is supposed to "help" Autism. I politely told her I wasn't interested in "curing" my son with some drink and that I appreciated her trying to help but no thanks.
It's one thing if I say to someone,"What do you think I should do about xyz with my son" or "Xyz is happening with my son and I want to know how you handle it with your child" but I can't stand unsolicited advice and assumptions that people make about me, my family or my son and "what should be done about his Autism".
Depending on what the person is saying to you respond appropriately. If they are rude just walk away. If they seem sincere and their heart is in the right place than kindly say thanks for your advice but we are doing what we think is best our child.
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