ORANGE Alert

Today's alert level is ORANGE. While no injuries were sustained, capital damage has been determined. According to the maternal authority (MA): rice had been tracked throughout carpeted family room while she took a phone communication from a team member. While MA cleaned said rice catastrophe, chocolate peanut butter was then smeared onto family room couch.

Suspect is said to be adorable short male, 3' 8", blond, blue eyes, with enchanting smile. Accomplices are said to be suspect's OT and PT who helped to provide the suspect with skills to open doors (refrigerator) and jars (peanut butter) and are being sought for questioning. According to expert profilers, the suspect will likely strike again within the same environment. MA, although sustaining no permanent injuries, should be monitored for requiring stress relief.

Currently, MA will require 2 glasses of a grape fermented beverage this evening. Please all be on alert for possible future instances. MA will need to be monitored for how much support and shoulders to cry on she will need.

Some days are just too much to handle straight.