Ballet Camp

While Steve is at work, Zach is at school, and I am at home eating bon bons and watching the soaps, Sophia has attended Ballet Camp. One week every day for a few hours. Perfect. She got more out of this than she does the last several months of ballet lessons.

I often feel so neglectful of her. I am actually thinking of looking for someone to come and do activities with her a couple of times a week to give her the 1 on 1 she sees Zach getting. Any interested parties out there?

In the meantime, I got to feel what it was like to be a normal parent again - albeit for a short time, by attending her end of dance camp impromptu recital. Of course, this is a joke, because I am quite sure I am the only one in the room who began to tear during this. Geesh. I am so overwhelmed with what she can do and who she is. I laugh, because meanwhile I cry so very little at things, that I surprise myself. I know how sad/angry/frustrated I have been - yet nothing. But observing Sophia do her thing just sets me off.

After the recital, Babcia Morphet, Sophia and I visited Friendly's as a girls outting to celebrate us Morphet women being together. First thing I noted: Sophia knew exactly how to handle the restaurant thing although we barely go out. She made appropriate requests of the waitress and didn't defer to me to handle anything. I realized that this sophistication has caught me off guard and then I reminded myself: She is almost 6!

And then there is Zach. New allergy results are in - cashews and pistachio nuts are out! We have given them to him frequently and never noticed anything, but apparently, these are out of all allergens, pretty heavy duty. Oranges and soy were up there too. Milk and egg yolks also made the list - but what didn't was gluten (wheat, barley, etc.). We are meeting with Zach's doctor in a few weeks to discuss. I am wondering if we might be able to start adding it back in to his diet this fall??

Other test results indicated an iron deficiency. The pediatrician's office called in an Rx. Then I received a call from the pharmacy stating that insurance won't cover this because it is considered a supplement. Uhh, what? There is a test, it shows a deficiency, the doctor wrote up an Rx, this is a supplement? How come my prenatal vitamins were covered?

Poor Steve. Once again, I gave him marching orders to go to HR and ask them to look into this. The response: the item is inexpensive. Huh? $11. Yup. We are quibbling over $11. $11 a month that is - making it $132 for a year. So Zach's therapy is too expensive to cover and Zach's Rx is to inexpensive to cover. Huh? Yes, I understand the concept of policy - and this insurance policy is navigated to suit someone's needs - but not ours. What have we been paying into for all these years? Again - I am confused by the prenatal vitamins being covered but not the iron. Ugghh.

If you are thinking that the picture above has some kind of special effect - I believe that special effect would be fingerprints on my lens - likely caused by a 3 or 5 year old child needing to touch things that I have told them not to. Uugghh.

From

So you read my posts do you?

A post I started from awhile ago....

Met with someone from Zach's school and from Sophia's school all within 24 hours. I should feel better about my kids and what they are up to, but I just don't. I am definitely someone who worries. I cannot believe how much like my mother I am that way. Ahhh Rosalie.

My concerns have been expressed. There is some relief in that. But life experience has taught me that there is another part of this equation: what will be the reaction to my action? I sometimes think that these events are more like going to a confessional: Forgive me school, I know that I am a bad Mom, it has been 4 days since I last checked over Sophia's schoolwork in her backpack. However, I also see that this and this is going on, can we try this? Will they take me seriously - this near manic mother with bags under her eyes, cortisol in her waist, and no background in any of this stuff? One walk into a preschool or a kindergarten classroom and I know that life is crazy for these teachers. It's a bunch of little kids for Pete's sake! It's controlled chaos. I don't think I could manage in that environment very well for very long. Wait a second - I am living in that environment all day long! haha It's just not 24 of them.

I feel that Sophia is likely getting what she needs at this point. We can do some follow through and preemptive skill building at home. She can learn, she is above where she needs to be cognitively, she has a social repertoire that is working and has built a friend base up. We still have those pesky fine motor skills to work on (what feels like endlessly) but she appears happy, healthy, active, and moving in the right direction. A parent will always be concerned about their child, but rest is assured that Sophia is doing great for now and will likely continue that in the next year. I have asked for a copy of the 1st grade report card so that I can focus on building the skills in her home environment that they will be working on next year.

Zach I am just not as sure about. I have these feelings that he is not progressing as he should within the context of him being in an environment that should be working on getting him up to speed. And that has made me think - perhaps I don't understand the goal of this intervention. Is it to get Zach up to speed? Or is it to make sure Zach can go to school and not cause too much commotion? I would love to hear from others out there, mothers, fathers, teachers, therapists, what they perceive early intervention and special ed to be all about.

I think the answer is a bit of both - I would like to think they are adapting their teaching styles to my son's learning styles to optimize his learning potential and have him make progress at a rate relative to that of his typical peers.

A trip to the developmental pediatrician didn't resolve my concerns. He agreed after observing Zach that his current program might not be the right fit for him and recommended trying to get him into a 2.5 hour program and increasing his home therapy intensity.

Back to now.

I like Zach's school. I think the therapists and teachers are good. The problem is just because it is good doesn't mean it is right for Zach. Truth be told, Zach needs more intensity right now. With appropriate intensity he masters skills more readily and we have seen him easily transfer these skills into larger/different settings, referred to as generalization. The past two doctor's visits for Zach have both specified getting him a one on one aid. And here I am. And now you know why the posts haven't been coming as frequently, I am overwhelmed with what to do. I don't want to undermine his school. I think his SLP, OT and PT are top notch. However, there has been a large turnover in his classroom that has me concerned. A few of the now departed therapists (some have left on their own accord, others were terminated) have indicated strong discord and organization in the classroom. But I fear losing the continuity, the consistency, the ability to get out of the house and experience others in a classroom setting.

Zach's last day of school was a picnic. The school extended invites to the family to come join activities and lunch. They even put on a concert. And that is what made me sad. They were doing outstanding things for the kids who get it. I was so excited to see a friend's son (who is dx'ed) dancing and mimicking the movements of the teacher. But on the stage, even amongst other kids with ASDs, Zach looked lost. He was staring off into space. I came home and told Steve that Zach appeared more autistic at school than he did at home. He just doesn't seem there yet.

He is attending summer session there currently. I am trying to figure out what to do. I am consulting with the professionals and talking to other families at his school, in the other classrooms as well as the one he is in, and other parents whose kids did home programs. I am torn. Steve defaults to me. This feels like more pressure than just about anything else I have had.

So now my delinquency is explained. This road we travel is a maze with pitfalls located here and there. This one feels deep. Let's see if I can get myself out of this whole that I have entered.