Finding Mary Poppins

So, when searching for day care options make sure you take a belt of scotch on your way our the door to interviews. After previewing candidates, and narrowing it to three, I decided a visit to our final 3 contestants was in order. So, who did I choose. No one. I extended my MIL's stay for another month to figure out just what the heck I am going to do.

The gotcha's?
Candidate #1 - I swear there was pot smoke or something going on in that house. The fact that her 4 year old daughter came out at one point with incense sticks made me wary. Then a review of craiglist where I originally came into contact with her had accusations of my suspicion - pot smoke. There was a reference to check out her myspace page, which I didn't. Enough drama for me. BTW- I don't really care if someone smokes pot - but all I could think about was some major partier watching my kids after a long night, and Zach falling down the stairs and her barely noticing.

Candidate #2 - House was a little nuts upon our visit. (A house with 5 kids - somewhat expected.) She was looking to take on more than my 2 kids and she had 5 of her own to boot. Yikes. Open backyard that went into the old Camillus Cutlery. Hmmm. Dad has guns in the house. uh oh. I am not against guns - but could just envision one of her older sons getting curious, Zach being Mr. Zippy getting out of sight for bit, and then wammo. No no no.

Candidate #3 - I felt this woman could be a great friend. Loved talking to her. However, her kids seemed so calm - could she handle my little spazzes? The fact that they were doing construction on their house- and my two ultra-curious George's. uuh oh. Very nice dog who looked like it might have had some pit bull now having to deal with my two spazzy kids. Hmmmm.

The pot smoker, the guns, or the pit bull. We miss Nono and Nana so much!

All of these candidates seemed nice. I don't think any of them would have been abusive. However, my comfort level was just not there. Could it be with anyone? I have basically only left my kids with family. Will I be able to get over my trust issues and get an outsider involved with my family? Wish Zach was talking more.
That would help.

I wonder if someone with sexual assault experiences can ever trust anyone. Will this impact my kids? I want them to have wings, and I feel as though I might be their anchor. I cannot let this happen.

There is good in this world, good people that is. I have to pray that God can send one of them my way.