Blindsided

So, if the last post has you thinking that Steve and I are on the verge of divorce, don't. We're not. We don't scream at each other. Relative to the amount of stress we are under, I would say we underperform in the fighting category. Steve snips, I yell on occasion. It happens.

This is not to say that Steve and I are so deeply in love that we can conquer anything. I am a romantic at times, and would love to say that is so, but that would be a bold faced lie. The truth is that Steve and I are clinging together out of necessity most of all.

A friend recently pointed out that she noticed that her and her husband fought more when he had a career change that required them to move to a new city. Stress does that to people. And this is utterly the most stressful thing I have endured that has lasted such an extraordinary amount of time.

I recently heard an interview with Michael Eisner, former CEO of Disney about his take on partnerships. He talked about the fact that quite often successful partnerships involve one as the active player and the other as the cheerleader, one role not more important than the other, both could exist separately, but together via synergy, they produce more quality, do their job more ethically, and are able to achieve more than they would have alone. He extrapolated that the marriage model is very much like this in effective unions. He said that you can survive a lot of lows in life if you can never become envious of one another but maintain pride in your partner. I am not envious of Steve - and I appreciate what he does for our family.

I am more proud of Steve than he is of himself. He is a fairly humble guy. And that is why I was so excited when I found out he and his research partner won the Central New York Technology Alliance's Technologist of the Year award. TACNY is a group of around 50 technical professional societies that have a presence in CNY. I am really excited for Steve. Steve believes his boss submitted them for this. Just prior to graduating SU, he likewise won the All-University Dissertation Award for his doctoral dissertation. This recent award made me so happy because I feel that even though I know we have impacted Steve, we haven't killed his career completely. One dead career is enough in the family.

I want Steve to succeed. His success is a win for the family and will only help. I will always looks at my two nieces and see the pain in the eyes as likely caused by their parents' divorces, and I just don't want that for my kids. Steve and I have seen quite a bit these past few years, and we are definitely angry people lately, but not at each other, and certainly not at our beautiful children, although don't ask me that when Sophie starts talk back to me like the little teenager she thinks she is...

And then there is Sophie. Last night was her open house at school. I rushed to get her from ballet, and then to pick up Steve and off to the open house. After the teacher gave us a little discussion on what they are up to this year, I went up to talk to her. I mentioned that Sophia received OT last year and that I was concerned about this year. The teacher said "Yes, I have noticed some things. In fact, the gym teacher approached me about her as well."

My world started to spin a little. As we walked around the room looking at the kids projects, the spinning became faster. Self portraits - oh my. Remember that Sesame Street song that goes like "One of the things in not like the other..." well, hers stood out for sure. I was shocked at the skill difference between hers and her peers. Steve made a wisecrack that at least we didn't have to worry about her being a poor art major in college. By the time we got to the journals, I nearly lost it. How could I have not realized how far behind her fine motor skills she was from her peers? Maybe because I was constantly asking her teacher and her OT from last year, and they didn't seem to think she would have a problem. In one week, her teacher this year already noticed enough to tell me to go ahead and procure what I could for Sophie in resources and therapists.

I spent most of the night up staring at the ceiling. How did I not see this? I asked her teacher last year. I asked her OT. I didn't get into the classroom enough I guess. Her report card was always good. What the heck!

I spoke with Sophie's gym teacher who will be giving me an informal assessment at the end of next week. She said she definitely sees motor planning and transition issues. I called Sophie's developmental pediatrician and laid out what I have noticed and what others had told me. They recommended that I go to the school district and request services and that her quadruple dx should qualify her for OT and PT. Oh - I just cannot believe this is happening. I feel blindsided by all this.

We have yet to secure appropriate services for Zach for Pete's sake!

Did I happen to mention that my mom has a new tumor - on her spine? They told her not to worry about it unless she suddenly can't walk or starts peeing on herself. I wish I was at that doctor's appointment...

Once again, life has thrown us some curve balls and I am trying my best to balance the disruption they cause with the excitement of Steve's award on top of just trying to enjoy our kids. Mom Morphet has purchased a house on the other side of town - around 15 minutes away. She closes on the house tomorrow.

The good with the bad. Need more good. Need more good. Need more good.