On Family, and Our Beautiful Daughter:
As Valentine’s Day approached and I double checked the
family calendars for the various events we were scheduled for, I realized that
I had double booked our family for one evening. (Not an unlikely occurrence as
I am getting older, and stress and sleep deprivation has taken their toll.) Sophia was supposed to attend a
Father/Daughter Masquerade Ball that evening for the Girl Scouts. When I
realized my mistake, I went back and forth of what to do. Many siblings of special needs children often
feel that most of their parents’ time and attention is given to the child with
special needs. This is no different in
our case, than in probably many other families.
We are aware of the issue, and try to purposely take time with our daughter,
spending one on one time with her. This
dance was to be that time with her father.
I spoke with the husband, and our initial reaction was to
cancel our outing at Eastern Hills. Easter Hills, a Bible church located on
the opposite side of town, was sponsoring a “night out” for couples with children
with special needs and their siblings. A fantastic opportunity to get care for
BOTH the kids, in a fun atmosphere (they set it up like a carnival, including
carnival games).
At some point, I prayed on this, and mentioned it again to
my husband. Yes, I am a woman of faith,
I have an above average IQ, have studied graduate level science, know the
history of religion and persecution (in both directions I might add), am a
critical thinker and a skeptic, but also possess an intuitive ability that has helped
me to make good decisions as could be shown statistically. Call me crazy, but do not call me
ignorant. We decided to tell Sophia what
had happened, and let her decide what to do.
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| 2013 Father Daughter Dance |
We sat Sophia down, explained that Mom had double booked,
and wanted to know what she wanted to do.
While she expressed that she did want to go to the dance, I saw her
become somewhat pensive. Then she said: “Mom,
Dad, you never get time to go out on a date.
I think you should go.” And that
was that. We questioned her many times
to make sure this truly was her decision, and indeed, she was unwavering.
Why this surprised me in retrospect, I am not sure. Indeed I have seen her countless times at
this point be very selfless with her brother.
In fact, just recently, in an attempt to help Steve and I get more rest,
we have attempted to get Zach to sleep the whole night in his whole bed, even
upon waking. Zach picked up on this
rather quickly, and instead of waking us and attempting to hop into bed with
us, he actually has hopped into bed with his ever-loving sister. Yes, he has awakened her, and yes she has
complained and we had to take him out of her room. But one day, she actually said after a
restless night with her brother, “I hope you got some sleep Mom.”
The night of our date night, I was nervous. Dropping off any child to people relatively
unknown can make any a mother weak in the knees, but a special needs mother,
even more so. But also in the back of my
mind was what my daughter had given up for us.
Would she have a good time? Had we guilted her into this decision?
When we arrived to the chaos of picking up our children at
the end of the night, how happy we were to find our daughter playing, and in
fact, not wanting to go. Both of our
children were so happy. The ride home,
Sophia told us of the wonderful evening she had. There is a saying that a mother is only as
happy as her saddest child. Well, for that evening, I can say that my family
and I were as happy as anyone could be. It was a gift given to us by not the scientific
community, but by people of faith.
I saw many families who I know at the event, and I know how
much it meant to all of us to have this evening.
I also am incredibly proud and humbled to be raising a most
amazing daughter.
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