Elitism

So, before Zach and Sophie were both diagnosed with disabilities, I was like a lot of folks out there that think things like this will likely never happen to me. My family, not Steve's, had no incidence of anything regarding learning disabilities, mental illness, physical disabilities, let alone retardation and autism. Steve and I were highly educated people, in the sciences nonetheless - PhD, MS, etc. We were into health and fitness, we ate organic foods, and ran 1/2 marathons, moderate alcohol consumption, never touched an illicit drug in our lives. We took supplements and went to the doctors regularly. I avoided mercury laden fish during my pregnancy, and blue veined cheeses, no cold cuts. So how after all this did we end up with two kids with issues?

The fact is, statistics happen. Random genetic things happen. We were elitist to think that it wouldn't be us. The fact is, that we were afraid of autism. A study conducted at Cambridge indicated that among the children of engineers, autism and related conditions are found twice as often as in the general population and was reported in the IEEE magazine I have a subscription to back in 2006, right before Zach's birth. A neighbor of mine once cracked a joke about it to me. Wow - if she new what happened to us, eh?

I have always had a sense of karma, even though I am a Christian. It is really hard for me to understand that bad things happen to good people. I feel guilt for all my sins, and often wonder if they culminated in the system of life to add up to one big kick in the pants.

Some people have remarked that I sound depressed. I want to clear up this issue right now - I am! But not because of Zach's diagnosis. I enjoy Zach very much and have fun with him. Problems in getting him what he needs feel so insurmountable at times, that my energy level is greatly diminished. We are 4 months into realization he has ASD, 7 months into services, and I just want to see some progress. I spend every waking hour (and there are lots of those) trying to figure out what to do next, researching, making phone calls, sending emails, going to appointments, therapy sessions, and trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life for the family. This is not normal. It is a marathon.

I am grateful for the opportunity God gave me to truly sympathize and understand what complete pain and complete love are. I never knew, although I thought I had an idea. I feel for those parents whose children don't smile like Zach does, who don't want to be touched, who hit their heads against walls or floors. Or what about those kids with physical illnesses and disabilities who may have only a short stay here on Earth. Zach is a terrific kid and has joy in his life. That is all any parents should ever really want for their child, anyway. So for those of you worrying about your kids and if they will get into that college with the best program, or will take a medal in the swim meet, or will get the lead in the school play, RELAX. It aint about that stuff in the end, I can assure you. It is ego, it is elitism, it is foolish, and worrying about those things will never bring you the joy in life God intended.