Everyday is a First

It arrived Tuesday. My daughter left me to be with a bunch of strangers. They tell me that these strangers are better equipped to teach her all that she will need to know to get a job and be a productive citizen. I figured I've only needed 2 years of psychotherapy to get over various issues repressed from the golden years of public education for myself, why not give it a try for her.

She played outside at the neighbors who had 4 boys waiting for the bus - one fellow newcomer, M, who would be entering kindergarten with Sophie, but not in her classroom. After visiting there, we decided to go down another house to visit our neighbor's daughter M. who would be starting public school for the first time - 3rd grade.


Sophia was so-o-o excited. When the bus turned the corner onto our street - she went flying down the road to our driveway shouting "the bus is coming! the bus is coming!".

She didn't have much to say about the first day of school. I think she was expecting more playtime and was very disappointed that there was no recess. School is a half day with only 2.5 hours. I originally was happy about that, but realize now she probably would have benefited more from a full day program. Day 2 of school - first "issue". Sophia told me school was fine, but in the car on the way home from taking Zach to orientation, she mentioned her first incident. A little boy and a friend came up to Sophia and took her blocks from her, while one little boy told her he was "really good at stealing". Sophia promptly went to the teacher and she handled the rest. While I am happy that Sophia had the fortitude to seek out help from an adult as opposed to being a helpless victim, I am trying to build skills into Sophia to take matters into her own hands. We've read a few books on bullying - although this was far from that, but there are some good tips in these books - especially for girls who might tend to shy away. Based on these books, I told Sophia to do the following:
1) Say "No" or "Stop" strongly and immediately.
2) Try and come up with a solution. "I'll play with this ### for a few minutes and then you can have it."
If that doesn't resolve it:
1) Tell the other person how it makes her feel. "Your making me , " "That hurts me" etc.
2) Tell the other person that what they are doing is wrong and has to stop.
3) Go get an adult involved. OK - actually what I told her to do is to tell the other kid to "take a hike" and go get her teacher.

Hopefully this process will get better refined as the years go by. Now if only I could learn to do these things myself. :)


Yesterday we had orientation at Zach's school. Whoa. Not sure if I am up for this. I am now realizing that this is really happening. Zach will no longer be getting the one-on-one he has been, which I am very concerned about. He will be going from 32 hours a week, to 23, to possibly less than 10. According to his evaluations, he requires more, and we will likely need to address this very soon so not to set precedent, and more importantly, so he doesn't have loss of skills.



But today - off he went cross town. No school bus. No joy of all the other parents waiting with their kids at the bus stop. More like a day care feeling. I spent half of last night crying.
I
hope this a sign of things to come, but we just got an email report, and he appears to be doing well:

Just wanted to let you know that Zachary is doing wonderfully! He is participating in centers right now, and really enjoying the activities in front of him. We're already starting to get a sense of the things that are reinforcing for him. Here's a quick video (with little quality, but gives you the point) of him coloring with Kristen. You can't see his eye contact very clearly in the picture, but it's very impressive! He had a little difficulty transitioning from the classroom to the gym this morning demonstrated by some clinginess, but once he found an activity that was enjoyable for him, he was good to go.

I have now watched this video 12 times.

Upon picking Zach up, I spotted him sitting in a TA's lap, totally curled up into her. He saw me, and you would have thought I was a total stranger. Where I was at first relieved by this, I then felt sorrow. Did he not know who I was? Did he not care? The indifference was killing me.

His report was good - he did well, played hard, and adjusted fairly well to all of the various people in the classroom.

I don't know about Steve, but the best way to sum up this experience is that I don't feel relief, but I don't feel fear either. Now I am anxious to see if he can progress in this environment. Let's hope and pray so.

The last few days have been a days of firsts. Let's hope that we can continue to have many days of many firsts: first bus rides, first words, first experiences, first conflicts, first resolutions.