"Inclusion" as a slur

Sophia and I had dental appointments yesterday.  No cavities and rather simple cleanings, which I viewed as a little gift from up above since I have by no means been as fastidious about my dental care as I was in the past and Sophie with her sensory and fine motor skill issues has not exactly been the stellar student either. However, as much as the good news of the Morphet Girls of Camillus having solid bills of dental health, something so innocuous as a dental visit has put a cloud on my sky.

At the end of the appointment, after discussing thumb sucking with the hygienist, the dentist walked in to check me out.  As we discussed the thumb sucking, and he poo-pooed my concerns saying she will stop on her own and not to worry about it, I told him that I noticed that it is more socially acceptable to thumb suck than when I was a kid, and I was hoping for the social pressure to help break Sophia of the habit.  And then it happened.  His remark back to me was one simple word said in a contemptuous tone and partial eye roll:  "inclusion".

I said nothing back.  I was shocked.  He knows I have a son with autism.  I could not help but to interpret this remark to mean that bad behavior is associated with the fact that we now integrate children with special needs with typical children. Was I being too sensitive and not really getting what he said?  And then I thought how this father of 5 and his wife homeschool their children, and it seemed to me that my interpretation was likely correct.

I have ruminated on this incident for over 24 hours now.  I shared it with no one, not even Steve. 

I so wish that for my big mouth I would have been able to have an appropriate retort.  But the fact is, I still don't.  We do not have behavioral issues with Zach currently.  This is likely due to a combination of how his autism has manifested itself, and the efforts of his therapists and teachers and our family.  Having read a bit, spoken with other parents, and talked with our therapists, we are aware of how normal parenting techniques can backfire when parenting a child on the spectrum.  I try to be as preventative as possible in all my dealings with Zach.  But I also know a few things, more from Sophia.  Sophia is our spirited child, with little patience and lots of energy, demanding, who likes to test limits and push buttons.  There is nurture, and then there is nature. 

I do not feel that it is OK to allow bad behavior because a child is special needs.  I strongly believe that early intervention and addressing behavior problems appropriately is the key to making a difference in this area.  I always think of Temple Grandin and how she constantly reminds us to make sure our kids have manners - that this is almost more critical for kids with autism than typical kids.  She claims that being a child of the 50's helped her a great deal that way, when manners were more emphasized and taught in school settings.  Before it sounds like I am about to get all ugly on parents with kids with behavioral problems, let me say that I also know that parenting a child with special needs is just about the hardest job there is. 

I know I once was an education snob who thought that "those kids" would take away from the progress of the others.  I am ashamed that I thought this way for several reasons.  First of all, because it is factually wrong.  Secondly, as a Christian, because of the judgmental and selfish thinking behind it. Thirdly, because I was foolish enough to think "those kids" would not be mind one day.   I am not proud of the person I was. For some reason,  I recall a Boy Scout leader telling me a strategy they used to promote true leadership where they would put the slowest hiker first when on the trail. 

I am not a 100% inclusion sort of person.  I see where it works, and where it doesn't.  Inclusion done wrong, which it frequently is, especially with the tight budgets school districts have, doesn't come off good.  I have still a lot to learn about what inclusion should be.

In the meantime, I think of his remark.  I think that a grown well educated adult who has children and is an avid church goer can make this remark so easily to a parent of a special needs kid, then what of everyone else? 

In my pain I can only come up with one thought:  Education does not necessarily make a man less ignorant, nor does attending services make someone less of a sinner.