Rumsfeld

So, many people have tried to show their support of us and we appreciate it greatly. More often than not, people have done what we asked from them, and not dropped us out of their normal world as the people with "all the problems" and "the weird kids".

Sometimes people try and be too understanding. They try and show that they understand what we are going through even though we know darn well that they haven't a clue. For those with children, have you ever had a person who doesn't have children explain to you how to handle your children? People without children make the best parents.

Having a kid with special needs is like that. If you don't have one, you don't get it. Those who thought that their child might have had autism do not understand what it is like to have a child who actually has autism. The fear of the possibility and the horror of actually having it be reality are two different things.

I can recall when I first realized that my fears were no longer unfounded. I would wake up every morning feeling pretty good, and thinking it was just a nightmare. Then as I would get some sense about me, this weight would drop on my chest, and I would realize that it was not a bad dream after all, it was my life.

The hardest parts now are the unknowns. Autism can manifest itself in so many different ways. I like to call it the "snowflake" disorder - because no two kids seem to be identical. This is one of the subtle nuances of the disorder that, I find, make it more difficult. No one knows any child's fate, but it feels like their are even more unknown unknowns with a child with autism. Can research and medicine advance fast enough in his lifetime to effect great possibilities for him?

Zach is only two. I don't think you can get a handle on the personalities and possibilities of any two year old. Surely, Sophie has surprised me with her interests and abilities when I look back on who I thought she was at the tender age of 2. Zach smiles and seems bright. But what things are bubbling in that mind of his that I haven't seen yet? The great unknown.

The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

—Donald Rumsfeld, Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing