How many people did you have over your house today? We had 8 - and that does not include the residents. There are so many people coming in and out of our house, no wonder it's trashed all the time.
We had the new therapist come today - what is it with all the tall chicks? Yup, she is over six foot. So that makes 4 women besides myself over 5 foot 9 coming in and out of my house. Such a strange phenomenon. Anyhow - no real training needed, she knows ABA pretty well and it sounds like she can slide right in. I only wish she was not just here for the summer. Zach should start receiving closer to 30 hours a week now. I pray that this will make a difference.
Another family issue had me up until 1 am the other night. I can barely handle my nuclear family, the extended family thing has me just tired. I realized I just don't have anything to give at this point.
At work, I was requested to start a support group for people affected by ASDs. So far there has been only minimal interest - 6 people. I don't want to be the leader, but no one else does either. Oh crud. Can we have a leaderless group?
Zach is doing OK. I was going to say that there are no emerging skills that I am aware of - but that is not true. It just happens to be his latest skill is subtle - and it involves him playing with toys. He really appears to play with toys appropriately - and he has a wide array of interest in toys.
Tonight Steve made arrangements to take me out to dinner. How exciting, right? We get to the restaurant, called Pascales (which I totally think jumped the shark) and get put in a booth next to a family. Kind of strange to see a family in a place like this - found it totally my luck that on a date night we would get stuck next to 4 kids. The youngest took a particular interest in us. He was asking us what we were doing, what we were eating - all the usual obnoxious questions - I asked his Mom how old he was - turns out he is 2 months older than Zach. This was rough. I cannot imagine Zach ever turning to a stranger and attempting to engage with them, let alone have such fluency in speech. If I had anything left, I would have cried on the spot. Guess being totally depleted pays off once in awhile.
Every time we attempt to get a break, something blows it. North Carolina - stolen car, date night at Pascales - young child reminding me of what should be. I hate this.
I love Zach to death - I love to hug him and play with him and spend time with him. But he is so much like having a baby and that is starting to freak me out. Can he have a good life and be so different? Is he happy? I can't tell for sure.
There are so many people in his life - and I feel like I am barely in it at times. Every free moment I have is spent cleaning the house, doing laundry, mopping floors, cooking, shopping, etc. I feel I am losing out on just enjoying my son as a child, and not just dealing with him as a child with special needs.
Let's see if I can change that. I don't want to spend so much time helping him develop that I miss him altogether. After all, he is a child first, and a child with autism next.
2 comments:
I thought the post will have something to do with amazon.com. (((Hugs))) and hopes that there will be a breakthrough soon. Have you decided on home-based therapy vs. school yet?
For me, I eventually came to the realization that I had to do what I could but not at the sacrifice of Conor's childhood, if that makes sense. Sounds like you are getting to that point, too. I still have those Pascale's moments... Until I step back and compare Conor only to himself. When he is 30, will it matter that he is emotionally two years younger than his chronological age? Nope. Progress towards growth at Zack's pace is the goal. This is hard stuff, L. xoxo
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