Rollercoaster

I contemplated deleting the last post after reading it. I feel like so many of you probably think I am awful. I have decided to keep it in for record keeping's sake. It was the truth at the moment, as unpleasant as it may be.

I left Zach to go to work this morning, screaming and clinging to me for dear life. It was horrible. The sitter and the therapist were both there with looks of surprise at just how severe his behavior is right now. I am so concerned that this is a behavioral change and has nothing to do with the ear infection. He doesn't even want anything to do with Steve for the most part.

Zach stayed up until 1 in the morning last night, then up at us at 7:30. 6.5 hours of sleep is not enough for a child, let alone a sick one.

Zach starts with his new speech therapist today. What a day to start.

If Zach's behavior is a change in behavior and not related to illness, we will have to take a few steps back and address this first more than the communication skills. I will likely ask the therapists for recommendations. I love my little boy so much - I just want to comfort him, however, there are other things in this world that I must do, and eventually that he must do. Wouldn't we all just like to be held in our mother's arms all the time?

I told him this morning that I loved him, but that I didn't like the way he was acting. I would guess that he didn't understnad my words. I held him and hugged him and told him that everything would be OK, and then I left for work.

I don't cry as much as I thought I would. Maybe that isn't good? This whole thing is such a rollercoaster ride of peaks and valleys - mostly valleys lately. I love that he was pointing, but now with the ear infection/change of behavior, he is barely pointing although he has done so. I try to find hope in that he still has done it in such a hard time.

I wonder if he is ill - if something more is going on with him than just an ear infection. Is he in pain and that is why he is so cranky? I hate this. I absolutely hate this. Time for another doctor.