Need to release.... and a big thank you

So it's 3:00 am and I cannot sleep. I am really frustrated with some people in my life, and very hurt. Whereas some people have been nothing short of terrific in offering help or checking in with us on how things are going, there are some who have done nothing, people we really counted on.

I remember reading of my friend M's trials and tribulations of people who did and did not offer her support as she discovered her son's autism. I remember feeling bad about how some of her friends and family seemed to offer her no support whatsoever. Now, I was not necessarily the best friend to her in the world, but I tried to stay in touch and let her know I was listening, if nothing else. As I knew little about autism at the time, I tried to read up on it to understand. Indeed, this little research that I did may be just why I was able to do such an early dx on Zach. Funny, how these things work out, eh?

I can recall M. explaining that so many of her friends turned out to be fair weather ones, and that family members were in disbelief of what she was going through. I remember feeling that that would never happen to me. hmmmph.

To those of you reading this blog - I can assure you that you are likely not the people who I am saddened by. I think the people that I am talking about haven't even taken the time to log on to the blog and check it out, they are too caught up in their "busy" lives. I used to think I was busy, too, before all this. Afterall, I had a career, two young children, some extracurricular activities, a house, a running hobby, and a widowed mother keeping me on my toes. Ha ha - I didn't have a clue.

Steve and I don't have full cable TV. We don't watch it - not that we don't want to. We haven't seen an adult (no I don't mean porno - just nothing of the Disney/Barney/Care Bear variety) movie in God knows how long. I have not run in over 5 months - and I used to 4 times a week. The last book I read was about integrative medicine approaches of autism. (and the one before that was about autism in some sort of variety or another, and the one before that was about something to do with autism, and you get my drift.) There are no self indulgences right now, with the the exception of a chocolate bar I bought at Aldis.

I remember going out to dinner, the symphony, a play, running a race, skiing, taking the dog for a walk through the neighborhood. I really do miss those things. But I believe that one day we will be able to enjoy those things again. Right now I need to do what I need to do: research, phone calls, letters, read books, talk to therapists, hound the county about services, make homemade waffles that are GFCF, look into supplements, join some parent groups, attend conferences and lectures, not get fired from my job, love my husband and kids, and pray.

Yesterday, Zach's fever broke, and we decided that it would nice to go out on a 40 degree day and play in the snow. The kids loved it. Sophie and Steve made a really lame snowman - but had fun doing so. Zach had a hard time walking through the deep snow (didn't we all!) but loved sticking his mittened hand in and then sticking a glob of snow in his mouth. (No yellow snow I assure you.) It felt so good to get outside. I realized the mood when we returned back in the house was much more jovial - even Zach seemed to get some relief out of getting some fresh air. Cabin fever is such a problem in CNY. By the way - we are up to 140" of snow for the year.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading my gripe session. I may just have to write certain people off in my life right now - I cannot afford to be hurt by their careless inaction, indeed, there is much too much to do right now with the little energy I have. But so many of you have been great, and have energized me through simple well wishes and checking in. I thank you!

Now, I haven't talked to my friend M. in awhile- there is something I have to do today, I think I will give her a call and ask her how things are going. Oh - I better wait until at least 9 am. :)