Zach found his toes!

Lately, I have found my pace of life to be a little too fast - and have been overwhelmed, and feeling run down. I didn't expect to see the finish line anytime soon, but it feels as though we are putting forth a good amount of effort lately, and achieving very little. After a bit of this, your motivation starts to wane, and everything becomes a struggle, even the simplest of actions feels exhausting.

So - yesterday - off to work I went with my terrific niece Melissa to watch the kids, and our therapist L. to do her job. Zach was screaming - I mean really screaming as I left. I had tears in my eyes because I just didn't know what was going to happen - was he going to throw up? Was he going to bite one of them? Would he bang his head? How much could these two young women handle?

While driving down 690, the dreaded cell phone rang. I saw it was from L. Uh oh. No way. How bad is this going to be? She gave me the scoop: Zach kept on raging for around 20 minutes, while L. tried to contain him. Zach's session was, to say the least, unsuccessful, however, he collapsed in her arms and fell asleep. She tried to wake him, but couldn't. He was so upset, that he was still 3-inhale gasping in his sleep. Oh gosh. Then L. offered to come back in the afternoon at 3 if that was OK with me. Wow - she was willing to do that? I mean I know she is getting paid and all - but this is far from any pleasant work experience. Uh OK.

How would he be with Melissa? So I went to work - and my thoughts were all about Zach. I was barely able to concentrate. How does Steve do it so well? He says he struggles too - but he is much better than I am. I am always in awe of him that way. The guy is damn smart and dedicated in all things that he does. I am so glad he is my husband, and more importantly, I am so glad he is the Dad to my kids.

Well, the phone rang again at 4:40. Oh no - it was L. again. Yikes. "Hello? What? He had a great session? He didn't cry when you came to the house? He cried when you went to leave? No way!" "What's that? No way -he said a new word!?! " L. was tickling Zach's feet and telling him she was tickling his toes, she did it over and over, and at one point he held up his foot and said "toes" . HURRAY!!!!!!

Such a little gesture, but just what I needed to give me a little more energy to get other things done. I came home from work to find Sophie and Zach curled on Melissa's lap, which gave me this warm feeling that was close to actually getting cuddled to. I remember Melissa as a child, her smile, her goofiness, her sweetness. How she has grown - and how my son loves her. She probably has little understanding of what a big deal this is. He is a dash picky on who he accepts into his inner circle.

These two young woman and their love and resolve have proven to be a tremendous comfort to me and Steve. They will likely never understand what that means to the heart of a parent wanting someone to care for their children, especially when there are special needs involved. This gave me hope for their generation. This gave me hope for our life too.